Not Robin
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Tim's thoughts after he sees Damian in the suit. Spoilers for Red Robin 1


I can't believe this. Okay, I can. You don't become Robin without expecting to be replaced, but to be replaced by HIM? God, doesn't Dick understand how much it hurts to be replaced by Damian of all people? Not to mention that, after what happened with my dad, I really thought that it would be MY choice when to leave--being forced out of the only thing that has ever really made sense to me AGAIN just sucks. I mean, really SUCKS!

And I get it. I do. Dick wanted to keep an eye on the dangerous little freak, and he doesn't feel like he can really keep training me as Robin, but he has to understand that this feels like he's not just replacing Robin, but replacing me...replacing his brother. I know that this is totally a 'youngest child no longer being the youngest child anymore' syndrome, but can I just have my moment to feel used and betrayed...or whatever?

I realize that Dick is grieving, but my life just keeps falling apart, and it doesn't stop. I really don't know how much more I can take; and normally when I get like this I just delve into Robin more--but I'm not Robin anymore, so what the hell do I do? Why can't Dick see that, while I understand his motivations for replacing me, now probably wasn't the best time for that? Okay, maybe it isn't fair for me to decide when the best time would be, because everyone thinks I'm insane anyway, but a little warning before Damian just walked in with the suit on would have been nice.

I grasp that, from Dick's perspective, I'm acting like it's 'poor me, no one cares', but damn it, if the universe or whatever could just lighten up for a bit, I could possibly deal a little more maturely…or at least slightly better. I get that Dick's got a lot on his plate right now, and doesn't really have the time to worry about or deal with me. I really do. But that doesn't change the fact that the way he went about this 'little change' still hurts.

Dick doesn't seem to comprehend that, because all I ever hear from him is 'Tim, I know that you're grieving, but…,' and it drives me insane. I swear that if I hear that sentence from one more person, I'm going to explode. I'm not grieving. Bruce is out there. I know it, or at least that's what I'm going with until I have irrefutable proof that he's not. And if Dick can't deal with that, then he clearly doesn't know me, because I reserve judgment until I have all the facts. That's what a Robin is supposed to do…even when Batman can't.

But I'm not Robin anymore, and eventually, that will actually sink into my brain for more than a fleeting second. I'm NOT Robin anymore! No, it still doesn't feel right or real…it just doesn't. My brain just refuses to process it. I think it, I can say it, I can even tell others that, but I just don't feel it. What do I do if I'm not Robin anymore? No, not if…what do I do NOW that I'm not Robin anymore? Yeah, just thinking that feels like I'm tearing up a part of myself. I would love to ask Dick if he ever felt this way, especially when he decided to become Nightwing, but Dick hasn't really been very good at discussing things lately…like the real reason that I left the cave.

Truth is, I'm not up here getting ready to leave--possibly for good--just to find Bruce. Yeah, it was a major reason, but if I'm honest with myself, I just couldn't take looking at Damian in THAT costume. True, it's technically Dick's costume and name to give and take away, but it's been a "silent agreement" from everyone in the hero community that I've made Robin into my own. Not to mention that through almost every loss and almost every hardship I've had to face, I've had the Robin persona to help me get through it. Plus, Dick agreed that I earned the Robin name and costume, so it really infuriates me that Damian just gets it by default. Did he earn the name? Not by our normal standards. Sorry, I just don't see Bruce agreeing with, 'Well, he'll kill someone if he doesn't have it, so here you go.' Yeah, that's such a good reason to let him be Robin…thanks, Dick.

Ugh, and I know I'm acting ridiculous now, but better to do this here in my room than out on the streets or something, right? I'm just going to have my moment, trash a few more things, and then leave. Dick's Batman now, so he can find me if he wants to, but he probably won't want to. Hell, he doesn't really need to, because I'm not Robin...not his Robin. No, no, no, Tim, no thinking like that. I'm not allowing myself to think like that. It'll just hurt more. I have to just accept this. I'm just not Robin anymore. That's right; he has a Robin…a different Robin…a more deadly Robin. I could be more deadly…I could cross more lines…I could be…not Robin.

The End


End file.
